There is a dance to every relationship which is unique and there are also many similarities. I would like to focus on some of the similarities and look at some ideas about how we can help our relationships evolve toward feeling more loving. We can begin by looking at ourselves. Are we looking for someone to fulfill a void we feel in ourselves? Or for someone to love us unconditionally? Perhaps we are looking for our soulmate? Or someone who could heal those injured parts of ourselves which we faintly recall from our early childhood, so we can be given the love, attention and affection, which we wanted as a small child and may not have received.
There are many powerful techniques which could be useful for healing these early childhood traumas. The methods which I have found to be most helpful are Matrix Reimprinting, Matrix Birth Reimprinting and Matrix Ancestral Reimprinting. Matrix Reimprinting is used to heal any past traumas which may be still affecting us. Matrix Birth Reimprinting help to clear one’s birth trauma. Otto Rank has said that the biggest trauma is the “trauma of birth”. Also using Matrix Ancestral Reimprinting you may become aware of past family members in your lineage who had difficult relationships and you are unconsciously connecting with and even repeating them. We can ask them to bless us as we choose another way for ourselves. Using these Matrix techniques, it is possible to create new openings for your present relationships. The whole healing process is a journey and there are many doors to go though. It is not like waving a magic wand and poof you are finished. (OK, sometimes I do use a magic wand…!) Ultimately we hope to continue to grow in love and evolve to the end of our days.
Take a moment and without blame or judgement look at how your current partner and or past partners have treated you. Are there some similarities? Can you hear some of the ways they have spoken to you or seen ways they have treated you? Now look again without judgement just with a curious eye. Is this how you prefer to talk to yourself? Is this how you treat yourself? Don’t beat yourself up about this, just be aware and try to start treating and talking to yourself in a kinder way.
Once you have started to clear your earlier traumas, it should be easier to communicate with you partner. When you are getting triggered by your partner it is almost impossible to listen. Just to be able to listen without judgement or trying to fix anything or anyone is actually a huge accomplishment. Everyone wants to be heard!
“When you are willing to stay just a moment with an uncomfortable energy, we gradually learn not to fear it” Pema Chodron
It is very important to be honest with yourself and honest with your partner with what is going on with you. Sometimes we don’t want to hurt our partner or our relationship so we hide what is going from our partner or we even hide it from ourselves. Once you start learning how to share your inner feelings you will be surprised how strong your partner is and how this sharing also makes your relationship stronger. Being honest also creates more intimacy in your relationship.
Something else I have found powerful in relationships is to appreciate who your partner is and what they do for you and your relationship. You might be surprised how things can change by just saying Thank You when they have helped even in a small way. This helps to bring more gratitude into the relationship.
One overlooked simple secret to love: just be kind to each other.
Relationships are all about the dance and the dance keeps changing as we grow more and more into gratitude and love for ourselves, our relationships and our planet.